M!$$ u AUG April 10, 2007

I was just told that my friend AUG was crying today because of the college stress. I remember her crying once. It was on the first day of emte7anat el-thnawayya el-3ama. We all were so surprised. She is not that kind of a person that would shed a tear easily. It must be a hell lot that she is going through that made her cry. I really wish that I could be there for her, to lift up her spirits a lill’ bit. It happened that I read today this paragraph. So to her, to all my friends whom I awfully miss and to myself, I quote this:

If after I go out a friend of mine gave a feast , and did not invite me to it, I shouldn’t mind a bit. I can be perfectly happy by myself. With freedom, books, flowers and the moon, who could not be happy? Besides, feasts are not for me anymore. I have given too many to care about them. That side of life is over for me, very fortunately I dare say. But if, after I go out, a friend of mine had a sorrow and refused to allow me to share it, I should feel it most bitterly. If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me I would come back again and again and beg to be admitted, so that I might share in what I was entitled to share in. If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him, I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation, as the most terrible mode in which disgrace could be inflicted on me. But that could not be. I have a right to share in Sorrow, and he who can look at the loveliness of the world, and share its sorrow, and realise something of the wonder of both, is in immediate contact with divine things and has got as near to God’s secret as anyone can get.

- De Profundis,
Oscar Wilde.

What I’m trying to say here is: although we cannot surround you like we used to, although we cannot make a circle and try to cheer you up, although we cannot sit beside each other and chat during classes, play during breaks or weep during finals =P , we are still here for you. If not physically, then spiritually. I wanna tell you that we’ll be here for ya whenever you need to be heard. We’ll be here for ya whenever you need to be counseled. We’ll be here for ya whenever you need a push, a boost or an AUG =D

I want to tell you that we so deeply love you, that we so deeply cherish you and that we so deeply miss you. I donno if this will make you feel any better but I so sincerely hope so. Love you dear AUG.

Dedicated to Stell April 9, 2007

It is not when you are among people that you understand yourself.
It is not when you are interacting with people that you understand yourself.
It is not when you are sharing your space with people that you understand yourself.
On the contrary,
It is when your space is only occupied by you that you understand yourself.
It is when you dedicate all your time to yourself that you understand yourself.
It is when you shut out the entire world that you understand yourself.
It is when the only person you are interacting with is yourself that you understand yourself.
You might not agree with this.
I myself did not agree with this, until I took the time to really understand myself.
I found out that whatever image I had about myself wasn’t really, I’m not gonna say true, it wasn’t really clear.
Now after devoting all my time to myself.
After concentrating all my efforts on improving myself.
After paying no attention to what people do or say to affect who I really am.
I understand myself better.
I see myself better.
I value myself better.

 

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I am very grateful that everything is working out nicely for me.
Not exactly the way I wanted them to be but I’m getting there.
I am very grateful for every opportunity that was given to me.
I am very grateful for every good project that I finished.
I am very grateful for every good grade that I took.
I am also very grateful for every mistake that I did.
I am very grateful for every lesson that I learned.
I am even more grateful for having friends that I can depend on and call them Real Friends.
I am very grateful for having such a precious family.
And most of all, I am very grateful for having such a merciful god, Allah.

 

 

 

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I am really enjoying this book. So I wanted to share this part with you. It is such a great pleasure to find such a fine book that you can indulge in for days.

 

In you Hate was always stronger than Love. Your hatred of your father was of such stature that it entirely outstripped, o’erthrew and overshadowed your love of me. There was no struggle between them at all, or but little; of such dimensions was your Hatred and of such monstrous growth. You did not realise that there is no room for both passions in the same soul. They cannot live together in that fair carven house. Love is fed by the imagination, by which we become wiser than we know, better than we feel, nobler than we are: by which we can see Life as a whole: by which, and by which alone, we can understand others in their real as in their ideal relations. Only what is fine and finely conceived can feed Love. But anything will feed Hate. There was not a glass of champagne you drank, not a rich dish you ate of in all those years, that did not feed your Hate and make it fat.

- De Profundis,
Oscar Wilde.

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I want to thank my very special friend, Stell. It meant a lot to me what you said about my posts. I didn’t know that my writing meant so much to anyone. Therefore, I am dedicating this post to you. Love you <3