“Red-lining a motorcycle means opening the throttle so hard, with every change of gears, that the needle on the rev-counter is twisted all the way round to the red zone of maximum revolutions. And that’s what we were doing, all of us, in our different ways, Karla and Didier and Abdullah and I: we were red-lining our lives. And Lisa. And Maurizio. Twisting the needle to the red zone.”
- Shantaram, Gregory David Roberts.
Am I too red-lining my life, twisting the needle to the red zone?
Keep on reading..
Something weird has been happening to me lately but I only noticed it today. Little stuff have been making me very angry. What’s the word? Oh ya, outraged! True. I may not reflect it on the outside but I would be burning on the inside. A few days ago I found out that my new t-shirts were no more new. They ruined them instead of washing them. I was so upset about it which made me wonder; why am I so upset? Something similar happened today when I was watching tv in the living room. It also got me wondering; why so angry Nada? But again I wasn’t showing it. I was perfectly calm on the outside but it was eating me on the inside. Maybe that’s exactly the problem. I never let out. With that figured, the solution is easy. Let out more often. Wrong! It’s not that easy. Last time I let go and expressed it, it created an awful seen. I was pointed out to be a spoiled, thankless and cruel daughter. Not something I’d like to repeat.
I think I might know one thing that might help. Sport! But, hmmmm .. What kinda sport? What about boxing? 
Sounds good to me. I think I’ll go to the gym tomorrow and see what I can do there.
Sport might help solving the problem but it’s not gonna solve it. I need to work on the reasons behind me being so angry. When thinking about it I can list a lot of reasons but the only one I can actually work on is my anger towards myself. Yeah, I’m so mad at myself. I always seem to remind myself of the things I shouldn’t and should have done. I know this is wrong. I even remember myself telling one of my friends once that sometimes we have to forgive ourselves, that that is the only way we can move on. I’ve already applied it with some of the mistakes I’ve made. I don’t think I would have been able to go on if I didn’t forgive myself but part of my brain always reminds me of my faults. It shouldn’t but it does, I know that. Just as I know that I shouldn’t eat myself on the inside but I’m doing it. The only thing that I think will solve this, is me improving myself. How? That’s hard to determine. The answer is too long I guess. Will I be able to do it? I don’t knoW! But I better be coz I can’t take this anymore 
Someone thinks I’m being too harsh on myself. I DISAGREE, big time. Being lazy and slacking is what got me here in the first place. Just wish me luck people and I’ll let you know how it goes with me.
